A Lifetime of Sacrifices
by Cyber Rogue
Summary: Yuki just needed to remember that she would be happy. It was worth it to keep that smile on her face, even if he would never smile again. This sacrifice was worth it.


**Author's Note: Inspired by reading fanfiction author, the Bloody Red Queen of Angst's stories. Thank you for letting me borrow your idea!**

* * *

"Is this what you want?" the voice hissed, sending chills down his spin as he knelt before the boney robed figure in the darkened room.

No, he thought silently. This was not what he wanted, but it was what he had to do.

 _Liar_ , his mind hissed with venom. He didn't have to do this, no one was forcing him to make this decision. It was not his burden to bare. It was not his destiny, it was not his curse. He did not have to pay this heavy price.

But if he did not do it, someone else would pay. A smile would grow dim, laughter would come to a halt, and eyes would cease to shine with such innocence.

All because he he would not make act against his selfish wishes.

But was it really his fault for being selfish and wanting a life?

He could walk away. He could live, go to school, get a job, possibly have a chance at new love.

Yet the one love that he desired did not love him that way. She loved him, she really did, but not as much as she loved _him_.

The thought was a painful reality, and it was like a knife to the heart. But it was a reality he had to face. The Rat always came on top and beat the Cat. Yet in this fight, this was one the Rat had lost. The stupid Cat had actually beaten him at something.

She had always loved the Cat. Always. She cared for the Rat, but she loved the Cat.

He had not made peace with that yet, but he understood it. She was not required to return his affections, as painful as it was for him to accept that. He would not force her to love him if she harbored no romantic feelings towards him.

He felt his fists shake, and he clenched them, determined not to show any signs of weakness.

"I do not want you to see her ever again, if you actually have the guts to go through with this," the voice said.

He expected that. But no matter how much he had expected that, he was still not ready. To never hear her cheerful voice, see her laugh and smile; he couldn't do it.

But she always smiled the brightest when she was with _him_.

If he didn't go through with this sacrifice, she would never smile as brightly again.

She had lost so much. She had lost her parents, and soon, she would lose _him_.

Who was he to deprive her of her happiness?

"So, let me ask you this again," the voice said, and he could feel the speaker lean forward. "Is this what you want?"

He swallowed, eyes narrowed as he came to an answer. Thinking of her smile, her laughter and caring ways, that was what gave him strength to answer. He looked up at the Head of the Household, his Emperor.

"Yes," he said finally. "This is what I want."

* * *

Graduation came, a time when students anticipated and looked forward to the next step in their lives. Decisions would have to be made, choices would have to be firmly solidified as the next generation figured out what to do and how to take that next big step towards their future.

He would not be making any of those decisions.

His future was already decided, and it was a bleak one that he had no say in.

But, his life was never his in the first place.

"This is so exciting!" Tohru Honda exclaimed happily, gushing and smiling her wide smiles that he adored seeing. She turned to look at him with wide eyes. "Yuki, I just realized that I haven't asked you what you were going to study at university."

Yuki froze for a brief moment before regaining his composure. "I have not decided yet," he answered.

Kyo snorted, folding his arms. "Figures, you darn Rat."

"KYO!" a sudden voice screamed suddenly as the doors burst down to reveal Kagura who was practically glowing at the sight of her 'beloved.'

Kyo's eyes widened in fear. "K-Kagura?" he demanded.

"My love!" she exclaimed, prompting Kyo to turn tail and run from the crazy woman who gave chase with a loud scream.

"Poor Kyo," Tohru said with concern, watching as the two cousins ran off, Kyo's attempts at escape all in vain as Kagura eventually caught up to him and began to pummel him with her 'love.'

"He'll live," Yuki said simply, ignoring the pair. "He's survived this long." Yuki paused, looking down with uncertainty. "Miss Honda," he said silently. "Would...would you be happy with him?"

Tohru blinked rapidly before turning a light shade of red. She covered her cheeks in an attempt to hide the blush. "Oh! Well...um...yes! I mean, I'm always happy with him. But you couldn't possibly mean...I mean, what I'm trying to say is...yes he makes me very happy but you also make me happy too Yuki! Kyo is really...um…"

She was stammering, and it was a cute trait of hers. He smiled before placing a hand on her shoulder, instantly calming her down with his touch. "Miss Honda, it's alright," he said. It was not quite a clear answer to his question on her possible feelings for the Cat, but he knew better then to look for false hope that he might have a chance instead.

Even if he did, his fate was already sealed.

But later, upon seeing the two of them outside the school and Tohru smiling brightly as she reached to wipe at a speck of dirt on Kyo's cheek, he had his answer. Watching their interactions and how she looked at his rival with pure adoration and love, a look she never had with him, was answer enough for him.

It was painful, and the knife in his heart would always be a constant companion. It would be an open, gaping wound for the rest of his life.

His view of her bright smile was blocked as a dark car pulled up. The driver got out to open the back seat of the car with a wordless expression to reveal the Head of the Sohma Family sitting in the car with his thin legs crossed.

"Hello, my dear Yuki," Akito said with a cold smile, his eyes gleaming. He pat at the seat next to him. "Come, sit with me. We have to get you situated in your new home."

Yuki stood there, rooted to the spot, feeling a sense of hopelessness in him. He was sure the anguish was shown on his face as he felt his heart tear up, and that Akito was taking great pleasure in wielding such power over his Rat.

Yuki looked back up in the direction of Tohru, who was smiling and giggling to whatever Kyo had said to her.

 _Please_ , he thought silently. _If I can not say goodbye, then let me hear you laugh. One more time. Let me take that one last memory of you._

"Yuki," Akito said, his voice growing dark, a tone that still haunted him in the darkest of nights. "Get in the car."

 _Please,_ he begged desperately. _Let me hear you laugh._

The sound of tinkling, joyful bells reached his ears as the woman he loved suddenly laughed freely, her smile bright as she closed her eyes and laughed at whatever caused her such joy. In that moment, she happened to look in his direction, still smiling.

He found himself smiling back, eyes shining as his steps took him into the car, and she vanished from view as he got in. Even as the door clicked shut, he felt like he had just sealed his fate.

But the memory of her laugh, her smile as she looked at him, burned bright in his memory.

"Thank you," he found himself whispering silently.

* * *

"I shall be sure to visit you, so you will never have to be alone," Akito purred as he reached up to gently touch Yuki's face as they stood outside the Cats Room. Yuki forced himself to stay where he was, even as the cold touch of Akito's hand sent chills down his spine.

"How poetic," Akito murmured, tilting Yuki's chin up and forcing their eyes to lock onto each other. Black orbs met silver, sinister and malicious meeting broken and submissive. "My Rat has come to me willingly. We shall never part, just as it should always be."

"Just as it should always be," Yuki repeated.

Akito smiled a chilling smile, pleased with Yuki's words. Yuki just held onto that memory of Tohru Honda, the bright woman who had come into his life and changed him so much.

There were so many things he wanted to tell her, so many things that were left unsaid.

He wanted to tell her that he had been the one to give her that red hat she cherished. He had been the one who had saved her and brought her back to her mother. He had been her first love, just as she had been his.

He wanted to tell her that he wished to plant more strawberries with her, her favorite fruit. He wanted to garden with her and tend to their secret base under the warm sun.

He wanted to learn how to cook, he wanted her to teach him. He wanted to be by her side and hear her voice and stay in her presence.

He wanted to kiss her and finally hold her close, regardless if his curse activated or not. She was never disgusted with his Rat form. She had held him close and had never recoiled when she touched him.

He wanted to tell her how much he loved her, even if she did not return his feelings.

He wanted to do so many things, and none of those desires involved him being trapped in the cursed Cats Room.

But it was worth it. For her to be happy, it was worth it. For her to continue smiling and laughing and being loved by someone else and starting a family, it was worth it.

He did not matter to anyone. He was the Rat, the lying, deceptive, cursed Rat as legend foretells.

By doing this, he was performing a good deed.

He was taking the Cat's place.

As he entered the room and heard the door click shut as a lock slid into place, he stood there alone. He did nothing for several moments, thoughts swarming his mind as he reflected on his choice and what he had done.

He walked forward before turning and sinking to the floor, his back to the wall. Pulling his knees up to his chest and hugging them, he closed his eyes, the image of Tohru Honda filling his every being as he buried his head in his knees with a deep sigh.

One day down, a lifetime to go.


End file.
